If bitterness blocks blessings and bitching breaks bridges...I wonder why some people relish bitter banters and take pride in being bitches/jerks?

Satan comes in many forms...he may even come in the form of a lover.

Tough times are opportunities for us to see how big God is...and how tough we can be as we are strengthened by His love.

Up in the clouds, a scene is made up of patches of villages, a village is made up of dots called houses...inside that house is a room that though unseen, someone lurks and thinks the world is on her shoulders. Another paradox!

= o O o =

Muster the courage to get out and get big. Perspective is when you get big enough to see all angles of a formerly unfathomable concept yet recognize that there's some life form even in the tiniest speck.

Being smart is not just a trait...its a way of life.

From control freak to control free! Why count the sand when you can build sand castles. If it gets washed out you can always build another one or just coast along the shore and relish the moment.

Isang bukas na liham para sa pagpapakasal ni Pearl...

Dear Pearl,

Pasensya at hindi ako makakarating sa araw ng iyong kasal. Parang kailan lang excited din ako kagaya mo. Walang ibang higit na importante kundi mangyari ang araw na yon. Walang halaga ang opinion ng iba lalo't higit kung kontra sa napili kong pakasalan. Walang balakid ang hindi pilit babasagin at lalampasan dahil gustong gusto ko talagang magpakasal. Matagal kong pinangarap ito at inimagine...matagal kong niluto sa isip at kinapa sa damdamin...actually, naging way of life pa nga namin dati ang pumunta sa mga wedding fair. Nagpunta kami sa wedding fairs para mag-scout ng good deals... we had some...actually parang lahat naman good deals...akala ko lang pala good deals. Ngayon naisip ko aanhin ko ang good deals if you are not in good terms.

I could fairly say na medyo kinareer ko ang paghahanda.Ginusto kong magkaron ng stable na trabaho dito sa Manila (imbes na sa matalahib na General Trias, Cavite) para paghandaan ang pagkakaron ng pamilya. Nasabi ko ba sayo na kaya ako nagpa-brace para maayos ang smile ko sa wedding picture? Forward planning ika nga. Si Baby Bug ang classic kong volks...binili ko yun para sa mga wedding related errands dahil nakita ko ang hirap ng iba na magcommute. Marami kasing lalakarin at kailangan ng sasakyan. Un na sana ang parang unang baby namin...si Baby Bug. Naisip ko rin na just in case mabuntis agad ako after the wedding si Baby Bug ang dadamay sa amin sa pagtransport sa hospital...alangan namang tumawag pa ng taxi o kaya mag-SOS sa kamag-anak e manganganak na di ba? Naipakita ko na rin sayo ang wedding worksheet ko na kulang na lang i-macros ko pa. Kumpleto un ng diagram, checklist ng lahat-lahat tsaka syempre modern na ngayon nagkaron din kami ng wedding website... akala ko lang pala na kumpleto. Ngayon naisip kong ang aanhin ko ang plano...hindi pala natin hawak ang bukas.

Everyday I would practice how to smile...make an effort how to walk and try to be as fit and as beautiful as I can be para on the big day bongga at picture perfect ang lahat. I would do prep talks sa family, tell my friends about it and bask in the surreal moment unfolding right before my eyes. Masayang isipin na at long last...after 8 years, ikakasal na ako sa college sweetheart ko at sa simbahang matagal ko na talagang gusto. Napakagandang love story...nakaka-in love...nakaka-inspire... it was one for the books...akala ko lang pala yun.

Ang tindi ng hikbi ko ngayon Pearl as I write this letter to you. Kalakip ng sulat na ito ang sanlaksang panalangin na sana magtagal ang inyong pagsasama at sana maging puno ng pagmamahal ang inyong union bilang mag-asawa. Alam mo naman na from the start...nung binalita mo palang sa amin ni Kate na go na go ka na..I have been reminding you masaya ang feeling sa alapaap pero keep your feet on the ground...maging bukas sa realidad ng buhay at makita mo nawa ang mga bagay-bagay for what they really are. My wedding day was a lucid dream...I was aware it was a dream and I was right there at the center of everything. Ang saya talaga ng pakiramdam...parang naka-auto pilot mode ako na sobrang over whelming ang lahat ng bagay. Ang saya dahil nandon ang mga kamag anak at kaibigan namin...pati na rin mga kaibigan ng mga magulang namin. Eventually you'll know kung sino ang totoo mong kaibigan...kung sino ang totoo mong kapamilya. Kung ano ang saya...ganon din ang lungkot. Pero hindi ako nanghihinayang na nagmahal ako minsan.

Pearl, ayaw kong matakot ka sa kasal dahil sa nangyari sa kin. Continue to believe that true love exists. I know it does. Hindi ko nga lang alam anong nangyari. Or baka it was true for that moment pero hindi na after. Magpasakop ka pero don't lose yourself in the process. Magmahal ka ng buong buo pero manatili kang buo. Totoong hindi sya kanin na iluluwa mo lang dahil mainit...you'll really have to digest it...pero pag nagkasakit ka na dahil sa indigestion..you'd have to excrete it. Bottomline ko siguro...mahalin mo ang sarili mo.

May both of you have enough love sa sarili nyo para you have enough love to give. Don't give more than what you can dahil human nature ang mag-expect ng kapalit. Kahit di mo isipin na nag iisip ka ng kapalit sumasagi un paminsan minsan sa ulo natin...kakasagi ng kakasagi ayun mauumpog ka na lang isang araw marerealize mo nagpakatanga ka. Continue to dream pero wag kang pakatanga. Love with wisdom. Be wise but be compassionate. At the end of the day, its not about you finding the right partner pero kung naging masaya ka ba sa bagong ikaw nung naging kayo.

Again, pasensya ka na at hindi ako makakarating sa araw ng kasal mo. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang makakita ng kinakasal...siguro hindi pa muna and for that I am sorry dahil hanggang dito lang ang kaya ko for now. I have learned how to detach myself from painful situations and from toxic people who hurt me and drag me down. Remember to keep your safety, sanity and soul in check at all times. May you be protected from all the negative vibes...but if in case you are in a helpless condition...cry for help and help will come. Wag mong kayanin lahat because walang may kaya ng lahat kundi Sya.

Sabi sa vows for better or worse...ang sarap pakinggan no? Sometimes this vow makes people complacent...okay lang na walang trabaho...okay lang na magulo...okay lang na walang pera...okay lang na tulog lang ng tulog at awayin ka lang ng awayin kasi dapat kaya at tanggap ung worse. If true love exists both parties should strive to be better individuals so that as partners they can lead and live better lives. One has to think that whatever action, words or thought ng partner nya un na ang best that he/she can give para if worse things come you'll pull each other up.

Ilang araw na lang you'll say "I do", exchange your vows, 1st kiss, 1st dance...the works! May you have enough memories and reason to stay together...and when you ran out of reason...may love be enough to get you through it all.

I wish you a stress-free and beautiful wedding and more importantly a blissful, loving and Christ-centered married life.

As is where is...always in all ways,
Aya

People you love the most hurt you best.

Makati to Bulacan Its Complicated!

Pauwi ng Bocaue, Bulacan si Rina galing Makati. Sabi nya mas gusto nyang mag-commute kesa mag-taxi. Ayaw nyang magtaxi kasi hindi safe at malamang kasi mas mahal. Sabi ni Mommy Marie, mahirap ding sabihan ng direksyon ang driver ng taxi sa mahabang byahe...hay, it's complicated!

Sadya akong mapag-isip at isang AhA! moment at AyAlogy na naman ang bumulusok sa aking sentido. Gaya ng isang habag na relasyon ang mahabang byaheng nakataxi...it's complicated and it comes with a price that is truly costly!

Mahal ang bayad sa de-kontratang taxi...kadalasan, kahit na pa over over sa mahal ang kontrata, nag-eexpect pa ng tip ang driver dahil wala na daw pasahero pabalik. Abusado di ba? May ganon din sa relasyon...todo-buhos ka na aba'y nag-eexpect pa!

Mag-isa mo ring pagtitiisan ang taxing hindi naman kagandahan...ang kwento, ang korning pinapakinggan nya sa radyo pati na mga pagmumura na sadya nyang kinalakihan. Pilit din nating pinagkakatiwalaan ang mamang driver na ihatid tayo door to door kahit na pa gaano sya kabalasubas mag-drive at kamareklamo sa hirap ng buhay...hindi naman pala nya alam ang daan at maglalakad ka rin mag-isa. Oh di ba sa relasyon ganon din? Tatanggapin mo lahat lahat sa pag-aakalang pagtapos ng dambana ng pagpapakasal e you will live happily ever after tapos sadya palang solo flight din bagsak mo. Bitter? No...nagpapakatotoo lang.

Nakakatakot ding isipin na may mga driver na mapagsamantala. Ililigaw ka sa byahe na kunyari short-cut..ang gusto lang pala e pumatak ang metro at maka-jackpot pang-boundary. May ilang driver ding may kasabwat na holdaper at kung anu-anong modus operandi sa buhay ang ginagawa...pagnabiktima ka e sorry na lang...lesson learned ika nga. Gaya sa taxi, dapat pumili talaga ng wastong partner sa buhay.

Sa pagsakay ko sa taxi naisip ko tuloy...convenient nga bang mag-taxi o mas sosyal lang sya sa jeep o bus o sa paglalakad kaya pumapatok? Bat nga ba ako nagtataxi? Hay...ang saya mag-isip ng malaya! Buti na lang sa Paco lang ako.

*Isang pasintabi sa mga taxi driver, mga kapamilya at kaibigan nila...opinion lang po ito. Naniniwala pa rin akong marangal ang inyong trabaho at may mga naliligaw lang ng landas. Sensya na...may pinaghuhugutan lang.

People should stop romanticizing Romeo and Juliet and all the other me against the world brouhaha...its a tragedy! Romeo and Juliet died...do you want to die? True love is a bliss. True love lives!

Masokista

Ako ang karit na pinanggapas mo ng damo at mga nakahambalang sa masukal na gubat. Minsan mo akong hinanay kasama ng sibat ng mga datu at kalasag ng mga dakilang mandirigma.



Ako ang pison na naglatag ng semento sa iyong kalsada't nagpatag ng iyong daan. Nagtiis sa araw at ulan...bumanyuhay sa kahabaan ng daan mag-isa. Nagpawis, nagutom, napagod ng may galak sa paniniwalang may balang araw akong aasahan.



Ako ang masong pinangpanday mo ng mga kailangan at nais mong sandata. Sige ang palo...sige ang pagpapagamit. Ako na ang tatanggap ng sakit...ng init...ng sagupaang metal sa metal na daig ang sanlaksang nag uumpugang bato!



Ito rin ang masong pumalo sa karit na naging ako. Ako rin ang kumarit sa pison...at ang pison ang pumisa sa maso! Buong buong pag-aalay kahit na luray-luray.

Tagpas...kumalas!
Pisat...ibaon!
Lagapak...wasak!

Gayunpaman...lahat ng nasira'y mabubuo...babangon!

Everyone is predisposed to greatness but only few have the disposition and commitment to be truly great.

I'm the maggot who cleansed you, ate your dead cells and made you well...I simply wanted you to live happily. I'm the maggot thrown mindlessly by a heartless ingrate! I'm a maggot...you're the parasite!

My Meals and Me

I like to eat. I eat a lot! I can't resist buffets and gatherings (because of the food and people of course). However, I also want to be trim and fit. I wish I was healthier. I wanted to lose 3inches off of my waist and 15lbs all over...it worries me though it might shrink my breast size from a C to the usual B and be less voluptuous (LOL!) It dawned on me that I may be confusing the universe with what I really want as my ideal size and shape...which result into my yoyo image of being either haggardly thin or consciously fat. Darn!

I make a constant resolution not to eat rice...not to eat pork or any meat...increase my veggies and fruits...drink at least 2liters of water which is the ideal volume for my weight. I sincerely want to stick to my diet but end up procrastinating...maybe I'll start tomorrow (oh no not again?!). I wanted to stick to the 1-sweet treat per week but end up craving for a bit of dessert mostly anything chocolatey or a scoop of ice cream after each meal.

As I contemplate on why I can't seem to stick to a diet and for fear that I'd balloon some more with the holidays coming...I figured another AhA moment...another one for my AyAlogy! Everyday life gives us a daily menu...a healthy and not so healthy selection of what we can have. If we know what we want, take in what is healthy and have just the right proportion, each meal can truly be satisfying and pleasant.

My Meals AyAlogy:

1. Know what you want. When I crave for something, I usually am able to have it within a week after the initial desire gets planted into my thoughts. It could be as simple as a coffee jelly, a caramel fudge, a Dear Darla pizza...or a total banchetto of what I want to eat! I would either buy it myself or by some stroke of luck have that treat for free! I'm not sure how it happens...it just happens.

There are times when I know I am hungry but I don't know what to eat...its hard to precisely spell out what I want. During those times, people around me would suggest food choices that simply just pushes off what I was searching for. It frustrates me whenever this happens. To keep peace and harmony, I just echo what people order. This ping pong of food debate mirrors what happens when we don't know what we want. It is frustrating and we just adhere to people's suggestions which may not necessarily be the best choice.

2. Take in what is healthy. Just like how I avoid junk food and softdrinks, I now have learned to stay away from toxic people. I've learned selective listening and I've stopped comparing to avoid jealousy, envy and bad vibes.

I eat breakfast. I would rather be late for a meeting than miss breakfast. I now try to just have my breakfast earlier or make sure that that early meeting includes breakfast as a healthy compromise. Breakfast makes me feel happy. It gives me that sense that I am starting my day right. I value my morning. If there is a forcefield which can ward off all negativity, I'll buy it to protect my mornings! I want my morning filled with sunshine, smiles and happy tunes.

As we get through the day, there is a temptation for bad short cuts. Some would even say 'masarap ang bawal'. To that my response is: 'mas masarap ang tama'. Would you rather have a slowly decaying life or life well-lived geared towards a peaceful and happy death?

3. Have the right proportion. I learned not to starve myself. When I am hungry, anything tastes good...I eat anything regardless of cost, cleanliness and nutritional value. Just like in life, I should not hold back and starve myself from enjoying life. Desperate people take in anything...it could come in a the form of a single stream income, a dead end job, an abusive relationship...all costly, rubbish and unhealthy.

Starving leads us to binge. If we binge, we throw up. When we hold back too long, it creates a void that we desperately want to fill that we take in too much. When we take in too much, we burn out...we end up sick and we feel worst.

Sometimes we order more than what we can eat and end up with left overs and a bad indigestion. In the cafeteria of life, we ought to know how much we can take to prevent the guilt of having left overs and ward off the curse of gluttony. I now know how to parry the unessentials and trim down my choices...now more than ever, I've learned the importance of not taking more more than what I can chew.

Sometimes because we want to save on food, we end up paying for more. I once tried to be super frugal--a 25 peso meal + 10 pesos for softdrinks and 2 pesos for candy-- what a treat! The rice was cold, the viand was substandard and the softdrinks was warm! The only decent tasting piece was the double-mint gum I chewed as I tried to look for another place to eat! What a waste of time and money! I learned that there are some wise investments and costs we have to make to get through life.

***

My mom always say we are what we eat. But then again, people do not live just to eat...they eat to live. May you and I find the discipline and prudence to eat right and live brightly!

AyAlogies are everywhere!

There is no osmosis in gender orientation...if you're not 100% male, you're gay! Nothing wrong with that...just be the true you!

Maybe I was too good for you and you were too bad for me and vice versa. Someday, you and I will meet someone with a perfect dose of good and bad which will make everything else tolerable.

Life is too short to justify regrets, to create resentment and to fight resistance.

Our arms are too short to hug ourselves but long enough to make someone feel so surrounded by love.

Met you by accident, we've responded by choice, whatever happens...let's leave it to fate.

Love is the very ashes left when the romance dies and being in love has been burned away.

Love just like fire burns...it flirts and flickers...gets fueled, becomes fierce and hot...it consumes everything...leaves nothing and anything burned will never be the same again.

Kudos to the weak, the worthless and those in their worst of times...there's no way but up and nothing more valuable than transforming for the better.

It's hard to strike a balance. Maybe I should be weak enough to need you yet strong enough for you to need me too...

It is okay to rush and rest but do not rest in rush. Stressful rest is a glorified weekend paradox. I am thankful for my dull yet full weekend...I'm glad to realize the peaceful pace of patience and the soothing sensation of stillness.

I've chosen the path of character over compromise. People deserve no less than the best. Why settle for sub-optimal compromises?

I don't create a kaboom impression but I leave a lasting mark. Have I left an imprint on you?

To professional Pinocchios, its time to get real...Christmas is near! How long will you pretend Jiminy Cricket does not exist? He does! We call him conscience.

How sure are you with your version of the truth? When you tell your version to people, are you convincing them or yourself?

After my life's inertia, I'm finally enjoying an orgy of orgasmic Aha! moments! Lord, please make this sustainable and help me be strategic. May you and I have a daily tantric experience! Life is soooo good!

Quote MotTo - 056

Overwhelmed by your personal, virtual and astral greetings--wallposts, messages, pokes, comments, SMS, email, calls. 30 is the new 18! Thank you very much for making me feel special and loved. Love y'all! Spread the love! Live to love!